"I want so much that is not here and do not know
where to go." Charles Bukowski

Happiness, what exactly does that mean?  I was speaking to a friend recently and he asked me what would make me happy in my life, and I felt that was a loaded question for me.  I see people with smiles on their faces and wonder how many of them are miserable inside.  How many question the choices they made in life and how many regrets they are harboring.  I'd like to think everyone can find happiness, peace at the end, but I'm not so sure.  I was estranged from my father for many years, and when he was dying he asked for me and my brother.  Unfortunately he died in the middle of the night and we did not make it there before he passed.  It's a hard thing to think about, and I know he had a rough life and I often wonder if he found peace.  Death is permanent, happiness is not.  Everybody has their ups and downs, people buy happiness, people take drugs to create happiness, people try everything they can to make themselves happy.  Is it possible?  Sure, I'm happy a lot of the times, but I'm also miserable some of the time.  So maybe there is the happy medium.  Maybe happiness just comes with the burden of unhappiness and there's no way around it.  Sure some people are more sad than others, and the doctors like to tell us it's a chemical imbalance in our brains, and sell us drugs so prescription companies go through the roof in sales.  Maybe as humans this is our condition.  The good comes with the bad, the bad with the good.  I am always searching for something, but I'm not sure what it is.  Something to put a smile on my face if only for a day or two.  But what after that?